Why are there usb ports on the microwave?

wrong answers only

@futurebird Kink reasons.

@futurebird

Good news! They're connected directly to the magnetron so they'll charge your device in a minute or less!!! You no longer need to put your device directly in the microwave. Please note that the popcorn settings is not recommended.

@futurebird If you pre-warm a phone before you nuke it, it'll dry out faster.

@futurebird Rechargeable popcorn

@futurebird so you can apply security updates to the firmware?

@futurebird - So the mind control devices can coord- uh, sorry, what was I saying?

@futurebird to reboot it with Linux

@futurebird

so you can plug a controller in to control the claw that you can use to grab your overly hot food

@futurebird it's where you plug in the temperature probe

@futurebird
Speed ports. They make the microwave work faster.

@futurebird to run Doom

@futurebird to find a new way to sell you $55 replacement fuses for when you inevitably plug two devices in *and* run the microwave. (It says not to do that in the manual!)

@futurebird To hasten the arrival of the apocalypse.

@futurebird so you can plug in one of those usb mug warmers to warm up your coffee, since there's no other convenient way to warm it up nearby

@futurebird it’s for the Ultra Scrumptious Brownies attachment, sold separately

@futurebird To daisy chain the rest of the smart kitchen appliances.
The microwave’s connected to the air fryer,
the air fryer’s connected to the coffee maker,
the coffee maker’s connected to the juicer…

@futurebird The ports allow the microwave to cook USB drives.

@futurebird that's for plugging in a GPS unit to discipline the magnetron frequency.

@futurebird Convenient way to power the Raspberry Pi/Arduino when you start prototyping new control electronics!

@futurebird stupid question. You need to charge your food (or Hamster) before heating it. Cold food (or Hamsters) are known to be low in energy, as the calories are not active in a cold state, so you'll have to charge it Up. As an alternative you can also put a (at least 5000 mAh) fully charged Li-Ion battery into the microwave. Works basically the Same. You're Welcome.

Oh, and just to be on the safe side: if your house burns down, it must've been because you didnt use USB 3.0 or the battery wasn't fully charged.

@futurebird In all seriousness: I wonder what the US ports are for?

@futurebird ubikey lock feature

@futurebird theyre Uncooked Sausage Buttons

@futurebird
So you can boot it to Linux!

@futurebird it’s for heating up US Beef.

@futurebird

To combat microwave fish stink at work, you can plug-in 2 high-power air diffusers nearby, and if you hear them running when you're down the hall you know it's time to leave for lunch because Rhonda has friggin' leftover crab cakes and chowder and it's Monday, Rhonda, for cryin' out loud, it's only Monday.

@futurebird to install additional magnetrons

@dtl @futurebird

Someone already said kink reasons.

@futurebird

For future DMCA updates...

@futurebird keyboard and mouse, obs

@futurebird Because Universal Serial Buses powered by Love aren't as effecient as those powered by Microwaves.

@futurebird Phone defroster

@futurebird You are not allowed to connect the microwave to the mains when you use it in reversed operational mode (microwave to electric power). Thus, you need these USB power outlets.

@futurebird it's to help you cook your thanksgiving turkey. the other end goes into the thing that pops out when the turkey's done. yum! two ports so you can cook two turkeys.

@futurebird hack the planet

@glyph @futurebird

that usb port delivers enough power to cook the turkey

@futurebird Otherwise the front panel would be waterproof.

@futurebird some people prefer to attach a manual keyboard so they can punch in cook times with more thonk

@futurebird For the mouse and keyboard.

@futurebird
if your microwave is too small they allow you to plug in extra storage

@futurebird because their lead designer got tricked by a "charge your phone using a microwave" video and decided to make it real.

@futurebird Potentially *correct* answer: the [microwave brand] engineers must be fans of Allen Pan:

https://www.wired.com/video/watch/video-game-microwave-that-only-cooks-while-i-play

@futurebird You plug in a USB cable and use it to stir whatever you are taking out if the microwave. Perhaps occasionally even doing it intentionally. This also charges the food to replace any electrons that got loose during cooking.

@futurebird that's because you need special USB dongle to unlock the "grill" function

@futurebird not enough room for a parallel port

@futurebird it's for pumping Open Sauce. Don't mix up the cables now, or your laptop gets filled with ragoo.

@futurebird It's a modular add on system a la 90s consoles. You put the microwave on a big base that also doubles as a DVD player or a dial up modem or a rumble pack.

@futurebird to connect keybord and mouse to move it with wasd

@futurebird Because not everything can be recharged with RF energy.

@futurebird you put your cereal into those ports. Two cheerios at the same time!

@futurebird Download the codes for the nukes

@futurebird so you can upload a picture of the meal you want to heat up. from it the microwave will deduce how long the meal has to be heated until it is blazing hot outside and just about lukewarm in the middle.

@futurebird if you plug the left one into the right one, the power goes round in circles providing unlimited free cooking - so long as you don't open the door and let the microwave escape.

@futurebird I am pretty sure you can download food on to a memory stick and then take it to another microwave to upload.

@futurebird to support USB Swanson-the-Go

@futurebird In case you need to fry something. 🙃

@futurebird For sausages.

@StealthyTango

So. Bad news.

I opened the door and the microwave is under the couch in the teacher's lounge. Ideas to get it back in the box and heating my rice again?

@admin

I often wonder what is wrong with that man and why it is wrong with me too. What happened to people like us? I think as I desolider and sort resistors from the computer I found in the trash.

@futurebird so you can update the firmware to use AI.

@josh0

NO.

@futurebird

Why are there usb ports on the microwave?

wrong answers only

I'm pretty sure "there are usb ports on the microwave" is already the wrong answer.

@nazokiyoubinbou

Especially when it's A and not 12v C. pffffft.

@futurebird You figure a microwave should toast the devices that are plugged in too?

@futurebird To load new dingtones.

@StealthyTango @futurebird seems legit

@hoco @StealthyTango

It's simple physics.

@futurebird @StealthyTango

Microwaves can be enticed out by microsurfboards and tiny tiny coloured shirts.

@futurebird So the microwave can connect to the Internet while it's running the magnetron, because that interferes with the wifi. The microwave has to connect to the Internet to download security updates. It needs security updates because it is connected to the Internet.

One can also plug in one's phone and open the microwave app to use custom one-touch button programs such as "leg of goat roast", "tuna casserole with narrow egg noodles", and "tuna casserole with wide egg noodles".

@llewelly @futurebird no, they are clearly USB ports, not cereal ports

@futurebird employee lounge microwaves are especially fond of fish

@a2_4am @futurebird the "universal" just means they can take lucky charms or count chocula or shredded wheat just as well.

@futurebird To plug the Arch installer usb drive into it of course!

@futurebird It's a Decepticon

@futurebird all the extra ones taken off macbooks had to go somewhere.

@futurebird "Why are there usb ports on the microwave?"

Because if they placed the ports *in* the microwave, you couldn't use them while the microwave was running.

@futurebird Nice! I had a couple boxes full of broken electronics for scavenging that I finally mostly recycled last time I moved. Got some ports and speakers and things off of them over the years, but I don't hardware well enough for that shit. I can barely solder a couple connectors to an arduino without fucking *something* up, and getting terribly frustrated, and putting the project on the shelf for months or years...

I prefer software. Desoldering is a damn nightmare. The delete key is so much easier :)

@futurebird on the back is a USB-B port so you can connect your computer because it's a USB hub and microwave combo

@futurebird Gatta test the viscosity of a fork

@futurebird connecting the smaller peripheral microwaves for more complex dishes

@futurebird @StealthyTango Did you try luring it out with a frozen Hot Pocket?

@futurebird for when the lightbulb breaks, so that you don’t need to find a matching replacement; you put the led light in but you obviously get one with a flat cable so you can push the door closed over it (neither the port nor the plug can be inside since they have metal parts)

@futurebird this is how micro-usb used to be made !

@futurebird how else am I supposed to speed charge my phone?????

@futurebird

To livestream the popcorn popping.

@futurebird
So you can download recipes off the internet & show the microwave what it's supposed to turn out like.

The microwave will still destroy the food, but it'll do it with full knowledge of it's crime.

@futurebird Being a food influencer I know those are for web cams. So you can post your ramen heating up from two angles.

@Mungencakes

What do you influence the food to do exactly?

@futurebird to get your food delivered to your USB capable gaming station once it is hot

@futurebird for directly cooking hotdogs with electricity, reminiscent of The Hot Dogger from the 1970s . Just plug the other end of the USB cord directly into the hot dog!!

@futurebird
That's where the cook comes out when they're expressed.

@futurebird Because if they were in the microwave you'd end up cooking your phone

@futurebird Plug in a microphone so it can figure out when to turn off the popcorn.

@apLundell @futurebird bro might be cooking

@yugthebug @apLundell

If you beatbox too close to the microwave you'll burn the popcorn.

@futurebird @apLundell wouldnt it stop early?

@yugthebug @apLundell

It stops when the average space between pops falls under some wonderful threshold i think?

@futurebird @apLundell oohhh smart

@futurebird
Save your important work files in the water you are boiling.

I mean. Obvs.

@futurebird The left one is for Speed Defrost, the right one is for Start/Stop. They're clearly labelled.

@futurebird

To get to the other side.

@futurebird So you can run the toaster oven at the same time.

@futurebird They're connected to the output of the HT transformer so you can use that for fractal burning without having to open the microwave and see the danger notices.

@futurebird

In the event that Princess Leia or Luke Skywalker need R2D2 to hack into the Empire data Base for plans to the Death Star to expose any vulnerabilities…while they’re popping microwave popcorn.

@futurebird mouse port

@futurebird running a USB powered micro microwave

@futurebird ECU tuning

@futurebird It's so you can use a hardware security key instead of solving the captcha to cook your stuff.

@agturcz @a2_4am @llewelly

I'm going to teach this to my students.

@futurebird USB-C? Nah, never gonna happen.

@a2_4am @llewelly @futurebird USB port is a cereal port by definition. The payload is being sent grain by grain. That's what C means in USB-C.

@futurebird so you can charge the microwave as you use it.

@futurebird @xtaran it even says they're for charging.

You need to get two of those USB A to USB A cables to charge the microwave properly, which is understandable — these things are power hungry.

@futurebird

These are used to power your warming trays for the Hot Pockets you just microwaved

@futurebird so that if you are lost in the woods with your microwave and your phone is dying you can plug it in.

@futurebird For a couple of those USB-powered can fridges.

Hot pizza and cold beer, what's not to like?

@futurebird Command-line Microwave!

@futurebird For USB to RS-232 serial console access/control

@futurebird

you can power the microwave using your phone during a power outage

@futurebird
With some cross link USB cables and a hub, connect it to the fridge and dishwasher and play multiplayer DOOM.

Don't hook up the washing machine, though. It will rotate the token, putting an early end to your KAN (kitchen appliances network) party!

@futurebird how can there be a correct answer??

@futurebird

So you can run dual hot plates.

@futurebird synchronized swimming

@futurebird copy your files to the microwave and nuke them for 30 seconds to sanitize them -- it's the best way to remove bugs and viruses.

@futurebird to plug an external keyboard, in case you don't like the built-in keypad.

@futurebird so you can install linux using UEFI and free your food reheating process from the shackles of proprietary software.

@futurebird They're in case all the ports on your paper towel holder are in use.

@a2_4am @llewelly @futurebird And probably not a part of a complete breakfast.

@futurebird To plug in both Flux Capacitors.

@futurebird it's for calling the police : https://share.google/KmlgpJPWMSzwxsJ72

@futurebird
Obviously, to program the mark-space-ratio of the magnetron power-supply to play music as your food cooks.

@futurebird That's for initial wifi setup for the smart features

@futurebird because SCSI ports were too scuzzy.

reminds me to usb-wine:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfWf-7skaU8

plugin the gadget to usb and get wine. 👍

@futurebird

#wine #usb #usbwine
l

@futurebird for camping, obviously ⛺️

@futurebird For firmware upgrades when they switch to "Metric Time" next year.

@futurebird For roasting battery chicken.

@futurebird Uncooked Sausage Blinis?

@futurebird it is to safely extract the very small waves for transport

@futurebird

Plug your USB software defined radio SDR.

So you can listen into what message is being sent.

@futurebird
the two-factor firmware update security policy

@futurebird le fabricant a cessé de fabriquer des chargeurs usb et fait face à un surstock de usb femelle. En les mettant par deux il double la capacite de destockage.
...
The manufacturer has stopped manufacturing USB chargers and is facing an overstock of female USB. By putting them by pair, it doubles the destocking capacity.

@futurebird needed to fill blank lines in the datasheet with fake args...

@futurebird There are only wrong answers!

@futurebird
The 'Speed Deforst' port is to play video-games competitively against the microwave AI... Be Warned it will hold a grudge, and really screw up your food... so you better let it win!

The start/stop port is to play cooperatively as a team and is recommended if you want properly cooked food !!

Else it's off to ER with food poisoning.

@futurebird

No, I don't know why your microwave oven may have USB ports.

As for myself, I was wondering why my USB hub had a knob and a door.

It's for charging your USB devices (e. g. phone etc.)

While you microwave them.

@futurebird

@futurebird To daisy chain your air gapped smart kitchen devices so they can communicate!

@futurebird
To charge your phone.

(This is a wrong answer, because it either doesn't work, your phone will be stolen while charging it, or charging will take 10x as long as using your dedicated charger.)

@futurebird it's not like it could be Bluetooth, the Faraday cage blocks the 2.4Ghz signals...

@futurebird to plug in the turbo-encabulator.

@futurebird
It's the pro version with 2 game controller slots. You get to beat the other player and rotate the dish in your direction if you win.

@futurebird
Allows the microwave to switch into two-player mode.

@futurebird To microwave data sticks to remove any digital pathogens.

—✴️

@futurebird @kevpeirce That's so you can use your phone for a rice cooker.

@futurebird for proton-charged food.

@futurebird "Micro"waves are, of course, very small (which is why the holes are so small in the door screen). So, they are easily intimidated by larger waves. Your best bet is to scare it back in with a really big wave. Do you happen to know 110,000 Mexicans? https://www.topendsports.com/rob/spectators/starting-the-wave/

@futurebird

Couldn't afford certs for lightning ports 😔

@futurebird many have answered with "for a controller", too.

I agree, you'll need it to select the settings. And manual control+tuning during cooking.

But more importantly, to be able to enter the #Konami #cheat code. For zero seconds instant cooking. Or to enlarge the food size. Or to enable the improved WiFi jamming feature.

@futurebird also, notably it only mentions 2 Amp. Without a voltage.

So it can also be used for super fast phone charging. With a typical 1kW microwave you could charge your phone at 500V/2A. About 10x to 100x faster than with most chargers.

@futurebird To charge the microwave.

@futurebird also the USB ports must be there for some project @geerlingguy is working on.

After connecting power hungry GPUs to a raspbery Pi, it seems like the logical next step to connect a 1kW microwave to a Pi for @geerlingguy :-)?

Also, maybe @geerlingguy wasn't happy with the accuracy of the built-in clock of microwaves and complained to the manufacturer. An extendable design via USB was a compromise.

Also @geerlingguy needed more WiFi+LoRa range. This is a radio signal amplifier.

@futurebird It's inside it!

@futurebird

The right one is marked "Start/Stop", so I assume a bluetooth dongle would suffice. On the other (wireless) end is a big red button. There may be some difficulty with the Stop function, as microwaves notoriously noisy in the BT spectrum.

The left one is marked "Speed Defrost". Must be a speedy way to defrost electronics brought inside from the freezing outside. Handy!